What I’m Reading: And Daring to Do

I may have mentioned before how I’d do almost anything before actually choosing to pick up a book to read, no matter how good or enjoyable the book may be. Yet, I find myself reading anyway. From books about vaccinations and baby sleep, to book about made-up people and places, to books about homeschooling and mothering, I’m actually reading them. Truth be told, I’ve been reading all these kinds of books since my oldest was born, going on 10 years ago. Still, I don’t consider myself a “reader”. It’s not on my list of hobbies, you know?

Some fabulous women I know through an online group are going through a book together, and I heard so many rave reviews that I decided to join up with them. We are reading “Daring Greatly” by Brene Brown. I am only two chapters in, and already am looking at my life and interactions differently. “Daring Greatly” is about letting ourselves be vulnerable, and how it will take courage, and change the way we parent, lead, engage in all relationships.

Chapter one deals with something called “scarcity”, the feeling of not being enough:

–not woman enough.

–not holy enough.

–not pretty enough.

–not fit enough.

–not friendly enough.

–not successful enough.

–not {insert any adjective here} enough.

At first, I though, “meh, I’m pretty content with who I am. I’ll breeze through this chapter. Wonder what’s next?”

And then, a friend posted a question. She asked how scarcity affects us. It wasn’t until I’d began chapter 2 and read about disengagement (more on that in a bit) when I realized that the feeling of “not enough” *does*, sadly, affect me and my relationships.

I am putting it on the line. I’m doing this vulnerability thing. I’m going to get real.

In my life, I feel like I am not friendly enough (it is hard for me to make new friends, even though I should be good at it, and I really want to make new friends every time our family moves. I just feel like I don’t have enough in common, or don’t have enough time, or am just plain not likable enough for the other women to want to hang out). I also feel like in my family, my ideas aren’t good enough for sharing, so I just keep quiet and let life go along at it’s pace, meanwhile my ideas and dreams and things to say just sit in my head.

I’m scared to post this. I want to keep my secret to myself and let everyone continue to think I have it all put together. But I don’t, and I don’t really want people to think I’m “Miss Has-Her-Ish-Together” and is a perfect little housewife, homemaker, and homeschooler. I’m not perfect. I’m sitting in an office full of clutter and chaos, the kitchen has a full bag of trash, the school room has paint smeared on the table and next week isn’t planned yet. I don’t have a group of local friends to call just because (though I have a group of women to see for ladies’ nights, I’m not lying to say I’m not *yet* close enough with any of them to just call on a whim and say “hey let’s do lunch!” or “we’re both having craptastic days, let’s leave the kids with the dads and go get a drink.”), and I don’t always tell my family what I really want to do (self-sacrificial and all).

The reality is, I *am* enough, and where I feel like (or know that) I am not enough, I can do something about it. There is always room for self-improvement, and I believe in it wholeheartedly. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t believe that God has a plan in mind for me, and His plan involves the best version of myself. My attempts at self-improvement are with God’s version of me in mind, not society’s. Just saying, lest anyone decide to blast me for wanting to become an unattainable sort of perfect. That is not my goal. I want to be the best me, healthy, happy, holy in Heaven one day. In my state of life, that means to be healthy, a good wife, a good mother, and a good friend.

God-willing, His grace will not only teach me that I am enough, but also move me to grow where I need to improve and weed out the negative things in my life which hold me back.

As I mentioned, I am already seeing my life in a new way. I’m *daring* to exchange numbers with women I think are awesome. I’m *daring* to tell my husband what I think would be neat to do for our home, for our marriage, for our family. I’m *daring* to actually listen to my children and allow them to broaden my view of the world.

I’m daring. I’m posting. Pray for all of us ladies who are reading this, and daring greatly, together.

 

{linking up with Julie and others who are reading the book together}

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “What I’m Reading: And Daring to Do

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s